I went today to see Dr. Baby. It was actually pretty anti-climatic. I knew he had the results of my ultrasound and thought surely he would up my metformin and possibly start chlomid.

 He didnt really do anything.My ultrasound was normal. My uterous looks good, my MIA ovaries were not a worry. All he asked about was my cycles and told me he wants me to keep a calendar. (duh. I already do) and keep the same meds for a another 3 months. (unless Aunt Flo doesnt come back next month.. then I’ll have to go in again and do another provera challenge) IF after 3 months we dont see any results, then we will seek other options, like the chlomid.

I was actually kind of peeved with him today. He was super super busy and I think a little pre-occupied. Like maybe he is missing the fact that we have been trying for a baby for THREE years. I guess after all that time 3 more months shouldnt seem like much.. but I guess I am ready to be AGGRESIVE, and he is all, “ohhhh next time you come in I’m calling for a pregnancy test right off.” Like taking this metformin is going to be the end all for me. stupidhead.

The other thing he suggested was for Steven to go to see a Urologist to check his men.. Which of course he is balking at. “My guys swim just fine.” All I have to say to him is that if I go through all this stuff. Meds and pokes and prods and all and I find out that his swimmers need floaties? UGH. He will be in bad shape mister.

So last night I had this dream. You know the kind. The ones that you remember every detail to and leave you hot and sweaty? nice right? ummm not so much.

WHY do I dream about random people from my past like that? This guy did not even escape our relationship with a human status. He was more sub-human than ANY man you ever knew.. believe me when I say it. NOT A HUMAN. ugh

Yet? Last night in my dream? Lets just say.. he was SUPER human.. not anything close to his preformances here on earth lol. So why did he star in my dream? I hadnt been thinking about him. (why would I?) He isnt anything good looking (in fact Im a little amazed I gave him the time of day, let alone was ENGAGED to him) and he was really awful to me… on multiple occasions. The whole thing left me feeling off today.. out of sorts and a little disturbed. ew. yick.

The only thing I can come up with is that he was/is military and that whole lifestyle is on my mind with the loss of our friend. I guess maybe subconciously when I think of military, he will always come to my mind.

Moving on

Steven and I had such a pleasant evening last night. Last weekend I cleaned out a closet in out room and in an old pocketbook I found a gift certificate to a really random resturant near here that we have never been to.. so we got dressed up and went to investigate. The peddler is a steak house at a local tourist trap. If you have traveled I-95 then you are familiar with PEDRO and South of the Border. As locals we dont often find ourselves visiting Pedro, but the GC was enough to get us out there.

The resturant was 60s style, glittery ceiling and gas lamps on the tables.. very vegas wannabe. We ordered steaks and enjoyed a salad bar and were quite surprised to see so many locals join us. I cant say that I would go there on a regular basis. But it was fun since it was practically free. (I think we ended up paying $10 on top  of my GC)

Then on the way home it was raining buffalos and elephants (thats a much harder rain than cats and dogs) so we stopped at my brother and sister-in-laws to see our neices. It was nice to visit with all of them and of course to snuggle the rapidly growing Story!

Today’s plan isnt to busy, Steven is working and Thing One is with her Mom this weekend. Thing Two is wandering around a little lost so I think I may think of something we can do together. I do know I have to bake a cake for Steven to take to Home Depot tommorow for a potluck.Other than that its all about doing nothing… maybe some more research on a vacation we are planning for NEXT november

Its been a pretty quiet week here at Casa De Lane. Steven has had several days off in a orw due to scheduling and taking a day off. So we have been enjoying hanging out together.

School is going well. Plugging away one lesson at a time. I think I could handle the class to move a little faster actually. Maybe 3 or 4 lessons a week instead of 2. I guess I am just anxious to see if having taken this class will actually get me the job that I want.

 Last time I went to my GP Dr. he mentioned that he heard a strange noise in my heart.. that it was making a “squish” noise. (actual medical term “squish”) and that he’d like me to have an EKG and a cardiac sonogram. So today I complied… and my heart looks great. Thats always a nice thing to hear. “Your heart is healthy.” I do have a leaky valve, that probably has been there my whole life or was the result of a strep virus I had as a child. But it isnt much to worry about, because I was given the go ahead to continue exercising and to get pregnant. He wants to repeat the sonogram in perhaps 6 mos or so to make sure there isnt any change. But other than that I am good to go.

 We were thrilled today to see that all the meds are doing something. Aunt Flo showed up for her first visit in 4 months. YAY.

In other matters of the heart we were devestated to hear that a friend from our church, Ed Philpot,  was killed monday in Aphganistan. He was the father of 3 daughters 6,4, and 12 mos. Can you imagine what his wife is feeling today? Or felt yesterday when she saw a strangers car pull into her driveway and saw the military suits get out? Im sure she just wanted to run away and not answer the door.  What do you say in that moment? Whatsmore. What do you do the next day? Breathe in and then breathe out and be amazed you made it to the next breath I guess.  Not a single thing is the same as it was, nor will it ever be again. She is MY age and suddenly a widow.

Makes you want to scream at those people who are arguing about thier lame issues or opinions with our lawmakers, The idiots who take for granted the sacrifices a few are making for so many. And at the 700 idiot loudmouths who are running for president. They dont know a thing about being an American. Today, THAT woman knows what it is to be an American. My heart is just broken for her.

So today when you pray, or meditate, or whatever you do. Send something positive in the direction of Mrs Ed Philpot and her 3 beautiful daughters..

A few weeks ago I wrote about my discontent with being an at home mom. Well not the Mom part.. more the at home part.

Since my girls are in school all day I am feeling less and less needed by them. Their health is better than it ever has been, so they are rarely home sick.. and well. I am bored. Bored Bored Bored. (whah whah whah right?) I take care of my neice Emma, but she is getting to an age that she really really needs other children to beat up play with. I do not plan to be a daycare center. No thanks.

So. finally after praying, whining and really trying to decide a way to make this better without total life upheaval… I just decided to run.. *ahem* balls to the wall as they say.

Two weeks ago I decided to just submit an application and a resume to a local hospital to see what might happen, and was surprised to recieve a call back the very following day… turns out I am not as qualified as I figured I was. Entry level jobs just dont exist anymore. Gone are the days of getting your foot in the door, proving how awesome you are, and moving up the ladder. Education, it seems is the key.

The HR driector was very nice to call me since I wasnt qualified AT ALL (educationally speaking) to do the jobs that I had applied for. She informed me that she would be more than happy to hire me if I would take a more current medical terminology class.

I was kind of surprised when she didnt find several semesters of pe-req for nursing school sufficient. But the certificate has to be recent apparently.

I have to say after we hung up I felt pretty defeated. I dont have the ability to go back to school right now.. UGH! But as I sat there listening to Emma torture play with the dog (she loves to shut her in a room and then lay on the floor and call her name and peek at her through the crack. (Mean little kid) I decided to see what could be done.

Northwestern Techical School offers an online course in medical terminology.. and it was starting the very next day! I have to think that this had a lot to do with God rather than blind luck. I was JUST able to get registered  borrow the money from my Daddy,pay for the class start.

The HR director didnt make me any promises. Not officially. But I think that with a little bit of persistance on my part I will land the position I want. (Unit secretary, rotating shifts, 3 13’s on 4 off  YAY ME!)

 The class is pretty interesting.. challenging in the way that there is a lot of paperwork and studying. But not hard in the way that I already had a med term class 9 years ago. Either way. I feel like I am finally walking in a direction that might get me making some money and out of the house. YAHOOOOOOO!

I had such a pleasant day today. I spent the morning napping and enjoying the quiet house. I slept in until 10 am and then made some breakfast. Still all alone in a quiet house. Steven was working this morning and Thing One is with her Mom this weekend. Thing Two usually spends the night with my parents most weekends. I forget how much I liked living by myself until I get to spend some time alone. It was SO nice.

  After I enjoyed a nice hot cup of tea in the crisp fall morning while Paisley ran around the yard chasing fallen leaves I went in and took a bubble bath. WOW. Nobody bugged me at all. I soaked until I was all prune-ish.

They I got BACK into my pajamas and lay in bed and watched a movie. I highly reccomend “Griffin and Phoenix” if you are looking for a good cry. Possibly in the top ten tear jerker movies ever.

  After the movie Thing One came in and we snuggled for a while and then we made a pumpkin bundt cake to take to my brother and sister in-laws house this evening. Then while I researched possible cruise dates and prices (Steven and I are celebrating 7 years together this spring YAY US!) Thing One watched a Cheetah Girls movie (again).

Then pleasantly my Aunt from Alaska called and we had a really nice long chat. She and her sons are one of the things that I miss most about Alaska. I also got to giggle with my neice Lexy. She is 1 and a half and learning  a few words, so it was fun to talk with her.

Then I grilled some steaks that I had been marinating all day and when Steven got home from work we ate and headed over to Steven’s brother Shawn’s house and got to snuggle my new niece. “Story” as she is being called is SO SO tiny. Like almost nothing in your arms.. and OH she smelled so so good. I wanted to eat her up! We all passed her around and got plenty of snuggles and kisses. She was such a sport about it all and didnt even wake up. Even when I tried my rusty newborn skills and changed her impossibly small diaper. AWWW.

Holding her reminded me to keep the eye on the prize when it comes to all this infertility crap. .. uh litterally “crap” at times with this metformin! It will be so worth it to finally hold a sweet baby of our own!

ugh. Today’s post is again one of those personal touchy feel-y posts.. so again. You have been warned.

I just got home from the Pelvic ultrasound. Ummm. so yeah. That was amazingly awkward. First of all. I am a big girl.. larger than average lets say. I walk into the pleasantly darkened little room and the tech hands me a gown that MIGHT have fit Thing Two and says. “Go ahead and get undressed and you can cover up with this gown.” I was slightly nervous and also slightly amused knowing to what levels this woman was going to be “familiar” with me in a few moments and got tickled. That is a bad thing.. So I stripped and lay on the table laughing as I was trying to decide which parts of my anatomy Id like to cover with the handkerchief she’d handed me. I almost just settled for covering my face since it would not cover all of the other end. But thankfully someone came in with a sheet and covered my shivering body.

I was further amused watching this poor woman unroll a CONDOM over then end of a nearly foot long probe, and COVER it with the better part of a WHOLE tube of KY jelly. She then hands me the probe and says…

“ummm Here you go.”

I looked blankly at her and kind of cocked my head from side to side and made that scooby doo noise.

“mmruhn?”

She wanted me to insert it myself.

I don’t know what this accomplished since she spent the next half hour doing things to me that I will leave ONLY to your imagination and the pages of some weird fetish mag.

After all that? She never did find my ovaries. They are missing in action. No paparazzi, No autographs please. I’m not aware of what will come next in order for Dr Baby to get a peep at my illusive ovaries. But there you have it. The probe lady was unsuccessful.

In other more disgusting news.. the glucophage has begun its terrible rein on my life. I keep reminding myself of the outcome.. the baby at the end of this weird gassy, road. So, I took my giant pile of magazines into the bathroom and am thinking about installing a television and a seriously padded toilet seat.

I would like to welcome to our family a new neice.

Miss Gabriella Stori Lane

born October  9 , 2007 2:17 pm

5lbs 2oz

Yay!! Gabriella is almost exactly one month early, so we were a little worried she might be underdeveloped, but from the reports from a proud Daddy last night she looks really good.

WARNING.. from here out this post gets kind of personal and touchy like. If you get embarassed about personal medical stuff. dont read on.. just remember. I warned you!

In other baby news, Steven and I went again to see Dr Baby. I have still been having left ovary issues, so I have to have an internal pelvic  ultrasound tommorow to see what might be causing it. Gotta love that. A stranger sticks a dildo looking probe up your who-who and stirs around in there. yahoo.

  And we are on to a new idea for us.Jack Michele up on drugs. Also,, this afternoon when I go to pick up my meds I will be buying an ovulation predictor test kit. In addition to dealing with peeing on a stick every morning I will get to take.

1. 500 mg Metformin (for egg maturity and insulin intollerance)

2. 25 mg prolanolol  (for my blood pressure)

3. 2 Tbsp Tussin cough syrup (to adjust the viscosity of Steven’s semen… I take it and the chemical reaction changes the viscosity of HIS semen.. what a rip off)

25 mg provera (for a 10 day “reset” of my cycle. AGAIN)

1000 mg  prenatal vitamin

25 mg zinc

25 mg vitamin B

So needless to say I will be a walking medicine cabinet. I know that there are a lot of women who have had to go much farther.. and we may still have to. But I am praying that this route will take us to our pregnancy.

So.. according to Dr Baby we should do 10 day provera, have a MONSTER period and then go completly off of any sex at all. (“WHAT?!” said Steven) Taking an ovulation test every morning after  that. When I see two lines? GO baby dance for the next few days. According to him? I should be pregnant after that… somehow I am a little skeptical. He said it all like it was easy peasy. no problemo. It just seems like a much bigger mountain than that.

I am also going to be doing some meditation and visualization. A book I am reading says I should “speak” to my womb. inwardly willing it to be an accepting home for a fertilized egg. Sounds quacky. But I guess anything that might help cant be ignored.

Do you think I might seem a little like a crazy person all drugged out and speaking to my womb?

Last week I began to feel like I was being watched. Whenever I was alone in the kitchen, I could feel it. Somthing was there. I was not alone. Before you call taps or another ghost hunting team… I began to find droppings. Ghosties. Dont. Poop. Then I began to hear a LOUD skittering sound under the sink. Id open it like “AHA!” really fast and only see a flash of something out of the corner of my eye. The coward.

I assumed we had mice. Its fall, the feilds are being plowed. Mice like my house.

Then the other morning Thing One saw it. She screamed and said. “Its HUGE” I assumed she was over reacting. As nearly 13 year olds will do. Then wednesday evening Steven and I had retired a little early and were enjoying the new puppy. He, being a late night snacker went to the kitchen in search of something to snack.. and standing in our doorway he began to dance.. like he wanted both feet to be off of the carpet at one time. He made these little squeak noises and flapped his arms around. I, was highly amused. He, however said he had seen the biggest rat he had ever seen. As his dance finished and he refused an encore (after telling me what part of his anatomy I could apply my lips to) Immeadiatly called my parents house, in search of someone more supporting than my hysterics. In the telling he was so excitable it only caused me to be further amused, causing him to be more annoyed. He said it was as big as our new puppy.  no matter how amused I was at his story,I was skeptical. My house is too clean to have a rat. I am not a dirty filthy trailor trash person.

My father, our friendly handy guy (since my husband had decided to take up interperative dance, rather than extermination) came over to set some traps assuming, like I did, that Steven had slightly over estimated the size of our new housemate.

That night the moustrap disapeared. It was gone. Whatever had taken up residence in our kitchen absconded with it, stole the bait and threw it aside.. So, next morning Daddy returns with quite possibly the biggest trap I have ever seen. Well, actually I  had seen them at Walmart, but really had thought them to be a joke.

Yesterday afternoon we caught our villan. He was as big or bigger than the dog. A wood rat. almost a foot long (inlcluding its wirey little tail.)

ew.

We added an addition to our family this week. ”Paisley” is an 8 week old pug/daushund mix. She is SO SO cute. I have wanted a little house dog since we moved into our new home. But hadnt found one I liked. As you know we lost our little “Jake” last winter and I hadnt the heart to get attatched to another pup. I knew he had sired several litters of puppies around the neighborhood though, and was really waiting to see some of him in a stray. The other day? I found Jake. In a litter of my Aunts puppies there she was. One,light brown pug nosed little darling with a curly little tail. She isnt a pug, she looks more like her daddy who is a dauxhund. But I see Jake in her.  She is so sweet. She is hyper and wild like Jake was..All of her brothers are fuzzy wierd poodle looking mixes.But there like a jewel in the rough, was our girl.We have been enjoying her so much.

 But there is one down side. She is a party girl. She is up all night like a newborn. Last night Steven took her out 5 times… just about every other hour! This morning I finally moved her kennel out to the den and shut my bedroom door so I could get an hour of uninterupted sleep! She whined, barked and really just cried the entire time I was in there.. That baby just doesnt like to be alone! And what is she doing now? Curled up in a rubbermaid tote full of the girls stuffed animals, fast asleep. Makes me want to go wake her up!

 Anyway.. welcome to our family little one!